REBECCA’S PARENTING STYLE

What kind of parent are you? What style of parenting are you exhibiting or imbibing? Check your self and check your children.

Few weeks ago, my friends and I were discussing about life and then we found ourselves going into the Bible to find examples of different kinds of people and the life they lived. Using the Bible to get examples led us into talk on Jacob and Esau as well as the role their parents played in shaping their lives. While we were discussing, one of my friends made note on the role Rebecca played in the life of her boys and that was when the idea to write on “Rebecca’s parenting style” came in.

If you read the Bible passage on the story on Rebecca and Isaac in Genesis 27, you will understand the kind of role they both played in the lives of their sons and how that role shaped the destiny of their boys. Having read and reread the story to full understanding, I decided to point out some of the parenting style Rebecca used on her sons, the effect of each of the style on the sons and the consequences it had.  

REBECCA’S PARENTING STYLES

1. One sided love and favoritism

One of the most important styles of raising children is to never love one child more than the other or to show favoritism. Many parents are in this Rebecca’s category. They prefer a particular child over the other children like it wasn’t her who gave birth to them all. I know sometimes we have that one child we love the most, but we are not meant to show it or rub it in the face of the other children. Rebecca loved Jacob more because he was more like her and he was into the things she loved doing herself. According to the Bible, when the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the outdoors; but Jacob was a mild man who stayed in camp. Isaac favored Esau because he had a taste for game; but Rebecca favored Jacob. So, it was a thing of this one does what I like so I love him, while the father also chose to love the one who does something he loves to do as well. Parents should take not that it’s not all children that can overlook the act of preferring a child over the other. It leads to hatred, jealousy, anger and it can even extend to some children killing themselves. If your child or children have been complaining about your favoring one child over the others, it’s time to take a look at your parenting style and retrace your steps to avoid family dispute.

2. Approved and encouraged cheating 

Rebecca knew about Jacob doing ojoro for Esau on his birthright though Esau was also silly to have sold it for a plate of porridge. She was well informed, but did nothing. Some parents are also like this. You hear your child saying if I do this, you give this or sell this to me, but you refuse to caution that child thinking they are still small and its nothing. In case you do not know, for every bad habit you do not caution your child/children against, they tend to exhibit more of it because they assume it’s right; that was why it was easy for Jacob to still cheat Esau on the final blessing because Rebecca supported him and he felt it was okay to go along with the plan of cheating his brother. She was even willing to take the curse should there be one. Just Imagine.

3. Helped her most beloved son in cheating the twin brother of his blessing

Genesis 27:14-17
so he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob. She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made. (NIV)

Many parents are exactly like Rebecca. We encourage bad behavior just because we want our favorite child to get everything out of life even when it’s not God’s plan we fast forward the plan of God ourselves thinking we are doing our self and the beloved child a favor. Imagine a mother that gave birth to the same children planning evil over the other child because she doesn’t love him.  If you are a parent and you find yourself always going the extra mile to get your favorite child satisfied and ignoring the other child; know that you are using your own hands to destroy your future and the destiny of your children. Some parents will even lie for their favorite child just to help them get what they want.   Rebecca could have easily gone to Isaac when she heard all what he said to Esau to say honey, how can you bless on one child when you know we have two of them. she could have spoken to him to change his mind after all shebi she’s the wife and husbands always have soft spot for their wife’s and the Bible made us know that Isaac really loved Rebecca’s and was willing to serve 14 years labor just to marry her. So it could have been easy for her to go meet her husband to talk to him on blessing the two children instead of one, but been that she’s also a bad mother, she decided to plan her own game which finally broke their home.

4. Created Rivalry/ enmity between the two brothers:

Rebecca’s parenting style led to rivalry and enmity between the two brothers. So you don’t feel connected to a particular child or you think he’s not having any of your character, do that justify the reason why you pick another child over him? Imagine if God acts this way to some of us. How many of us would like it? Rebecca could have helped Esau nurture his other personalities that would make her drawn to him like Jacob. She could have had helped him balance his physicality with social and emotional growth. The child she preferred wasn’t even able to stay back after getting the blessing. He has to run for his life after what he did and she never got to enjoy or partake of the blessing

5. Delayed the fulfillment of destiny for Jacob with her approving bad behavior in Jacob’s life:

So many parents are the reason why their child/ children haven’t fulfilled their God divine destiny because they tried to play the role of God. If you have studied the story of Jacob and Esau, you will see when God said to Rebecca when she went to inquire form God about the children in her womb. God told her she had two nations and one was going to be above the other, but what God didn’t say was who will be the lead or who won’t. He therefore decided to help God that can’t be helped in his job thereby she delayed the destiny fulfillment of Jacob. Truly he was to be the leader, but had she not interrupted, Jacob would have attained his destiny fulfillment earlier than when he did almost at his old age because he kept on running for his life away from his brother whom he cheated.  Some parents are too eager to play the role of God in the life of our favorite child. We think for God and act like we know God’s ways. If only we allow our children be who they are as long as we teach and train them in the way of the Lord, a lot of late destiny fulfillment will not be happening to our children.

6. She didn’t wait to see the good of her children before she died as she was part of the issues the boys had. Had she allowed God take his role, she would have stayed to enjoy the fruit of her labor but, since she played God’s role, she couldn’t even wait to eat the fruit of her labor from the child she suffered, manipulated and cheated for. The said child had to fight for himself and destiny and even forgot about his mother as the hardship he faced couldn’t even allow him remember her. Parents should remember that as much as we want Good things for our children, the moment we begin to manipulate their God’s plan and path, we elongate the glory attainment of that child because they will have to fight more and cry harder to God for a change of destiny. Despite Jacob getting the blessing, nothing showed forth in his life that was good because he cheated in getting the blessing and therefore had to aggressively pray to God for help and life redirection it wasn’t until her cried to God that his life changed. He even got a new name “Israel” which should have been his name at the birth.

What kind of parent are you? What style of parenting are you exhibiting or imbibing? Check your self and check your children. Make sure there is a balance in how you treat all of your children. one should not be considered a favorite over the other.

Parents or not, our job — living in the world of relationship — is to help the people that we love to bridge the two: the current and the aspiration. It is to help people—our children and our students, our friends and our family — to become most fully who they are now — and then guide them and nurture them on the path to becoming who they want to be.

Rebecca sometimes thought God needed her help. She favored Jacob over Esau and helped Jacob deceive Isaac. Her trickery led to a split between the brother that has caused turmoil to this day. Impatience and lack of trust made Rebecca interfere with God’s plan. She did not consider the consequences of her action. When we step out of God’s timing, we can sometimes cause a disaster we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

God help our parents